Going Forward
by L'ange de Vie
Summary: A story of loss, love, reunion and life after Bad Wolf Bay.


**A/N: My latest obsession. First foray into this fandom. Enjoy**

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Nobody but the other knows how they truly feel. No one knows the complete and utter heartbreak they suffer. Nothing else registers but the feeling of loss and despair and loneliness. Many sympathize, empathize and criticize; but none can fill the void left behind.

He mourns by locking himself in her room for days at a time. Stares at pictures of them, both with this face and the one before. She was the only one who seemed to make the ice blue eyes light up, stern mouth lift, and giant ears bearable. That 'daft old face' of his, she made it feel young and alive again after the trials of war. She's gone now though, lost in a parallel universe; and his "new" expressive brown eyes are starting to dull and his great head of hair is starting to succumb to gravity.

She mourns by moping about the mansion she is now forced to call home, locked either in her room or out wandering the gardens. Alternating between anger and crippling sadness. Left with only the images of 'Her Doctor,' that survive on her mobile. She swears that given half a chance she will tell him the things that she had long since been afraid to voice. Left to her own devices for the most part,she dreams of what could have been and ponders how she's supposed to move on with her life. Her passion for life exhausted it is a surprise she notices the changes occurring to her body.

Finally the day comes when he has gathered the strength to say good bye. He's searched for a way, any way to have some form of communication with her. At long last he stumbles upon a possibility. One which involves burning a sun, not that he much cares, 'His perfect Rose' is worth it. She hears his voice calling to her in dreams, after a a week of the same dreams she gathers her family and tells them. They agree to go with her on this new adventure. When she finally sees him after what for her has been three months, she's almost instantly in tears. Tears which flow freely after he tells her that all that is before her is an image which cannot be touched, nor can he come through the small gap left between the two universes, and worst of all, no, she will never see him again.

For all that she had planned to say, she is surprisingly at a loss for words. The words she had wanted to tell him most of all stick to her throat, refusing to come out. The impossible words have that have a perfect opportunity to come out when he asks about Mickey's role in her life in his roundabout way. Instead she falls prey to cowardice and tell him only of the fifth member of her new family. She explains that her mother is expecting a child, but does not, cannot, tell him she is as well. The omission churns her gut, but two minutes pass faster than she could ever have anticipated. The three words she does manager to tell him are that she loves him. Words he wants desperate to repeat, and yet cannot. Those words that make his breath hitch but do not pass his lips.

In the end she is left on a cold and windy beach hoping in vain that he will confess feelings for her, and he is left in the control room of his spaceship whispering those all important words to an empty room. Devastation settles in once more, neither sure how to move forward. Both knowing that in a perfect world they would not have been separated so cruelly. However neither his universe nor her new one is fair. They must resign themselves to this separation.

Slowly the Doctor begins to travel again, taking on a new companions, facing new adventures, but still silently mourning his lost love. Increased recklessness and anger the by-products of his sorrow. Rose however turned her anguish into a driving force to prepare for the impending birth of her son. Her's and the Doctor's son.

John David Tyler is born bright and early on the first of September. Rose gives him the name of his father's favorite alias, which also means 'god is gracious;' something Rose believes to be more than true given her impossible son. David is the name Pete gives his grandson because it means 'beloved,' a thing the boy is assured to be.

Following his birth Rose divides her time between little John and Torchwood. John is the singular reason in Rose's obsession to finding a way back to the Doctor. Rose wants her son to know his father more than anything, and vice versa. Her own yearning to see the Doctor becomes a secondary matter. As time passes Rose and her team slowly manage to piece together enough alien technology which will allow Rose to travel between universes. At long last the Dimension Cannon as it has been christened is ready for use. The process takes multiple tries, more than few false starts and a handful of bumpy landings. Rose finally manages to land in the right place at the right time, though her heart nearly stops a moment later when a rouge Dalek shoots her lost lover. Thankfully her Doctor is able to regenerate in a sense and live, a gift for which Rose is profoundly grateful. That miracle however leads to another adventure, in which the Doctor, Rose and all of his most recent companions, Jackie Tyler included, are forced to save the universe once more.

Following the recovery of their universe the Doctor must say farewell once more to all his companions. Only after everyone has left can Rose confess her secret to the Doctor. Telling him is one of the hardest things she has ever had to, including having to say good bye to him. The Doctor reels in stunned silence, unbelieving, until Rose shows him a photo of John. The boy nearly five years old now is the spitting image of his father, all boney angles, sparkling brown eyes, brilliant hair and manic smile. Speechless the Doctor stares at the image for a full five minutes before sweeping Rose into a tight hug and movie worthy kiss.

"Rose Tyler you are absolutely brilliant! A son!" The Doctor exclaims happily.

"He's named after you, you know. John, always was your go-to name," Rose responds with a soft smile.

Dancing around the console a minute later, an excited blur, the Doctor sets about landing them in the parallel universe eager to meet his son. Rose watches him fondly, not quite ready to vocalize just how much she has missed this particular image. Once the TARDIS has settled into what the Doctor, Rose and Jackie instantly recognize as Bad Wolf Bay does the Doctor calm marginally. Whilst the Doctor and Donna pepper Rose with more questions of life here and of John, Jackie calls up Pete and arranges for him to meet them in Norway with John and her own son, Tony.

After what feels like a lifetime Pete shows up on the beach Tony and John in tow. Rose instantly goes to John, enveloping him in a tight embrace. Walking back to the TARDIS where the Doctor is rooted to the spot, Rose positions John on her hip so that the two may see each other clearly.

"John,can you tell me who this is?" Roses asks softly, but loud enough so that the Doctor can hear her question.

"Daddy!" The young boy smiles after studying the man in front of him for a moment.

"That's right love. Can you say hi to him?"

"Hullo Daddy." John mumbles shyly.

"He knows who I am?" The Doctor asks Rose incredulously.

"Well obviously spaceman." Donna interjects giving him a small shove. "Go on say hi to your boy."

"Hullo John." the Doctor says automatically causing Rose and Donna giggle.

Letting John down, Rose nudges her son closer to his father "Go on, give Daddy a hug," she encourages gently.

Not needing to be told twice John runs the few steps towards his father, who is now kneeling in the sand, arms outstretched. Catching the boy up into his arms the Doctor holds his son tightly. Rose watches tearfully, happy her son has met his father at long last.

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EPILOGUE

After the Doctor had declared that Rose and John are absolutely, positively, no questions asked,staying with him Rose took a few days to settle her affairs and say her good byes. After which the small family and the newly dubbed Auntie Donna returned once more to their universe. After Donna's departure the family continued to travel and explore the universe, continuing to learn and grow as they went on.

John took to his Time Lord heritage like a duck to water, quickly becoming his father's confidante and partner in crime. The Doctor relishing in his role as father taught John all there was to know about being a Time Lord in daily lessons, claiming it was never too early to start learning. Rose the brilliant human that she was managed to keep some semblance of order in her boys' lives and out of too much trouble.

And so life went on as it was meant to.

The doctor in the TARDIS with Rose Tyler and their son John. Just as it should be.


End file.
